Gold Rush

SeniorOlylmpics1_P1WebCThe Fogies are taking a break from one of their favorite Olympics activities to share some early observations and random thoughts/questions about the Summer Games:

  1. How does NBC manage to find so many apoplectic color commentators for this shindig? Their often-uncalled-for mania is as annoying as canned laughter tracks on bad sitcoms. Geesh, take a Xanex and relax!
  2. The Opening Ceremony theatrics were amazing! We could watch that again, no problem.
  3. If you haven't done so already, find a way to watch events other than NBC's tiresome "big events" coverage. You can actually focus on the competition rather than cult-of-personality story lines that are so important to the network's pre-planned programming agenda.
  4. If it wasn't obvious to you already, the Rio Games certainly highlight the problems with extreme "haves" and "have-nots" capitalism. What's the trickle-down plan for helping poor people in Rio when this is all over?
  5. What's the matter with Bob Costas' eye?

No Trespassing

SoapboxStinksWpCOur candidate is ready to kick some butt on behalf of old folk in America. He has a pulsing finger on the...er...a finger on the pulse of the issues of most importance to fogies.

To wit -

Have you noticed? Door-to-door salespeople are re-appearing in droves in suburban America. No longer do they tote heavy sets of encyclopedia or bulky vacuum cleaners. This new breed of walking solicitor is only equipped with an I-Pad and Day-Glo golf shirt. From neighborhood to neighborhood they caravan about, seeking unwitting targets who happen to be out in the garden or walking the dog. They sell gutters and cell phone plans and chocolate bars. Once in their clutches, there is no hope for escape.

What can be done about this abomination?

We need a "Do Not Call List" for walk-ups. 

Or, we could just provide everyone with a government-issued pit bull.

Whatever...we promise to put a stop to this annoying practice as soon as we take office.


Surely, We Jest!

SoapboxSmilingWpCAs far as we can tell, the early stages of the 2016 Presidential race have been mildly interesting, but nearly devoid of Humor.

Oh, unless you count the dripping sarcasm and schoolyard put-downs we've heard in some recent speeches and press events on the Republican side. But, as we all know, real Humor, i.e. something that is actually FUNNY, is hard to find in caustic and mean-spirited rhetoric.

And on the other side of the aisle, Clinton's insincere affability is sadly exposed in those plastic smiles and booming guffaws right out of the Tammany Hall playbook.

So, here is the Fogies' Campaign 2016 pledge to you:

We'll try to make it funny and keep it funny.

Elect a President with a real sense of Humor!


So Far, So Good

SoapboxSmilingWpCThe Fogies' recent announcement of a presidential campaign for 2016 has met with thundering silence as constituents seek to understand why they should support a candidate who will likely be dead before his term is up...and no one with an iota of credibility is on the ticket for Vice President.

What? You say this is the same conundrum that faced McCain supporters in 2012? Well, hallelujah! At least we're doing something right!

In the months ahead, bold ideas, fresh perspectives, and exciting initiatives will be unveiled...just don't look for The Fogies dish out any of that crap.

So, stay tuned as our candidate increases his exposure and formulates a thought or two about how he can make America great again!


...and the winner is....

SoapboxSmilingWpCWhew...the Academy Awards have finally come and gone! And The Fogies have something to say about it all.

As usual, we didn't see any of the films, what with the price of movie tickets and the inherent danger of even going into a movie theater in the 21st century. We also fell asleep well before the show was over last night. But that makes no difference. Nowadays, peeps are spewing opinions about everything under the sun without having the most minimal knowledge-base about the event or issue at-hand...witness Donald Trump and all his supporters (but that's a topic for another day).

First of all, we're totally fine with all the backlash against the Academy for its persistent white-bread orientation. As Chris Rock said, what's new about that? Burn down the mission!

As for the Red Carpet fashion parade, our eyes are still hurting. Most of those clothes would end up on the Goodwill bargain rack after failing to sell at the local consignment shop. What an obscene waste of money!

Last, but not least, what about the winners? Good for them. They all showed up for their jobs and they all worked hard at their craft. They may be elitists, but they aren't lazy.


Annoyances: A (New) Top 10 List

SoapboxStinksWpCTop 10 People/Places/Things That Annoy The Fogies

  1. Memes
  2. Television meteorologists
  3. Loose change
  4. Kanye West
  5. Cyber crime
  6. Neighborhood covenants
  7. Kale
  8. Mosquitoes
  9. Award shows
  10. Star Wars

Another Winter of Discontent

SoapboxStinksWpCHere we are again, in the longest month of the year...it is 59 days long and it is arbitrarily divided roughly in half by naming the 1st part "January" and the 2nd part "February". But we all know it's the same damn month.

So, what's happening?




Upper respiratory viruses.

Arctic blasts.

Award shows.

Award shows!?!

What could be worse than that!?!


Globular (NOT)!

SoapboxStinksWpCYes, it's awards season again, a favorite time of the year for fogies who are desperately trying to survive the winter with something, anything to sustain them until springtime. Why not attend a parade of very unprivate dinner parties with the stars, beneath the glittering Niermann-Weeks chandeliers?

Fogies dig the awards scene: Fashion, Food, Fawning...all things lacking in fogey life. And oh, for just a glimpse of Betty White in Valentino...or Helen Mirren in nothing at all!

So, what about last night at the Golden Globes? BORING!!!! Didn't laugh out loud much. Groaned a few times. Did enjoy Tarrentino's speech on behalf of Morricone. But what was with all the censorship, resulting in complete drops in sound multiple times throughout the broadcast? We get it - they want to drive people to the Internet to get those tasty nibs (and attract more ad $). Fine. We LIVE on the Internet. But between the TV sound censorship and our hearing loss, we only heard about half of anything that was said. And half of that was stupid. Bad show.

We hold out hope for the forthcoming awards shows this season, but we're starting to wonder - are we getting too old for this?


Used to Be's

SoapboxStinksWpCHow about some Fogies "Used To Be's" to get your new year off to a good start? Be sure to share your "Used To Be's" with all our Fogies fans - use the "Comments" link:
  1. Used to be you could go to Portland, Oregon and say to yourself, "Man, this place is really hip!" And you would be stating the truth. A culture so hip that it could easily spawn a popular sitcom. Turns out that was a good idea better left unspoken. For "Portlandia" is so self-consciously hip that it went from "quirky" to "dorky" after a handful of episodes. And worse, it has drawn a tidal wave of pseudo-hipsters into the real Portland, desperately seeking to find the "Portlandia" vibe. Natives take cover!
  2. Used to be you could go to the likker store or the beer barn and choose from any number of cases of decent, affordable, locally-brewed and bottled beers. We all know the big breweries destroyed that idyll, and we DO love the craft brews that are available today...but, man, old fogies like us can't afford to drink those snazzy suds.
  3. Used to be "nutritional information" was not published on food packages. Then, labeling was required. Then, labeling standards were changed. Now, labeling standards are changing again. And all the time, everyone has continued to eat potato chips.




SoapboxSmilingWpCWe all do it. We rush the holidays.

And what better way to plunge into the spirit of the season than to watch programming about Christmas in other lands (such as how they celebrate Christmas in East St. Louis when you live in St. Louis and how they celebrate Christmas in St. Louis when you live in East St. Louis), how to find the perfect Christmas tree, where to party on New Year's Eve, and our favorite: who has the best extreme holiday light display?

Just the other night while sipping a bit of adulterated egg nog we were mesmerized by a competition involving four worthy competitors who had absolutely nothing in common other than their holiday decorating fetish. Now, that's America!

We're going to break down and say it: we like the manic enthusiasm and idiot savantism of these holiday nuts. They are all about their craft 24/7/365.

Hell's Bells, we can't focus long enough to make ourselves a decent breakfast.