Not everything can be solved with technology, boys and girls.
But you could use the new Periscope app to chronicle every moment of your misery for all to enjoy in real-time.
Isn't modern life grand?
Fogies around the world are desperately at work trying to normalize relationships with millennials and other sectors of youth culture. We're learning how to use devices and apps, we're listening to hip-hop and torch song divas, we've come to accept the power and influence of social media despite its populist flaws. We're putting Siracha on our Cream of Wheat, for God's sake!
So, how does "The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel", a Hollywood, er, Bollywood extravaganza featuring a blockbuster cast of coots and geezers in any way advance our cause?? Answer: it not only doesn't advance it, it actually throws it squarely back into the previous millennium.
Has there ever been a flick with more goosey characters? Answer: Yes. See "Winged Migration" the next time it reruns on PBS.
What is the greatest dramatic tension in the film? Answer: Will all these bluehairs keep to their bedtimes or not?
And worst of all, just as we were beginning to let go of those nasty Gere-Gerbil love affair rumors, there's Poor Richard twerking rather suspiciously all over the dance floor.
Forget about it fellow fogies! Just settle on the couch, cue up some viral vids on YouTube, and save yourself some bucks. That's what the kids are doing!
Seems like seniors are dancing all the time these days.
Recreation programs at most senior centers "offer" dance as a social activity. Problem is, even if you haven't danced a step since your own or your kids' weddings many years ago, you are now expected to somehow enjoy dancing (with relative strangers) in the twilight of your life. Yeah, and pass the liver while you're at it....
And many of us spend time dancing more often than we sit still. But not because we want to. Tremors, tremblers, twerks, and tics keep us hopping day and night. Isn't disco fun?
What's worse? What COULD be worse? Go to the TV room on the same night "Dancing with the Stars" is airing. Just TRY to use the remote to channel surf while Bristol Palin is trying to survive her last pirouette. The heck with dancing - you better be able to RUN!
...neither one any fun.
When the old digestive system starts going haywire, it can be a bit of an adjustment. That's if you've been fortunate enough to have avoided Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Crohn's, ulcers, diverticulitis or any number of other such maladies so far.
As we say:
Incontinence, gas, leakage and cramps
Can be really tough on granny and gramps!
Interested? Here's something to read while you're camped on the toilet (if you make it there on time):
Every other country in the world wonders why a holiday venerating THEIR culture isn't celebrated here in the USA...and that is a good question!
Yeah, right, being a fogey is no bed of roses....
After fifteen minutes of squirming and cringing, we finally nuked the flick that made world news a few months ago - "The Interview".
The post-projection emotion that immediately presented? Relief!!
Here are a few choice words of film criticism to summarize our feelings:
3. Mind-numbingly stupid
7. Netflix should offer rebates
8. Curdled my popcorn butter
We would have rather watched a slide show of The Rodman's last visit to North Korea!