Our candidate is ready to kick some butt on behalf of old folk in America. He has a pulsing finger on the...er...a finger on the pulse of the issues of most importance to fogies.
To wit -
Have you noticed? Door-to-door salespeople are re-appearing in droves in suburban America. No longer do they tote heavy sets of encyclopedia or bulky vacuum cleaners. This new breed of walking solicitor is only equipped with an I-Pad and Day-Glo golf shirt. From neighborhood to neighborhood they caravan about, seeking unwitting targets who happen to be out in the garden or walking the dog. They sell gutters and cell phone plans and chocolate bars. Once in their clutches, there is no hope for escape.
What can be done about this abomination?
We need a "Do Not Call List" for walk-ups.
Or, we could just provide everyone with a government-issued pit bull.
Whatever...we promise to put a stop to this annoying practice as soon as we take office.