When you leave private life to become a public servant, you leave the privileges of private life behind...whether you're the Secretary of State or a County Clerk in KY.
Trump is stumbling, the rest of the pack is a mess. Hillary is busy practicing how to laugh spontaneously. The door is wide open for our candidate! And it's never too early to plan for the future....
Well, our fogey candidate certainly wouldn't be the first to tally votes from the deceased, now would he?
Our candidate, always kicking things downstairs.
Our candidate is ready to kick some butt on behalf of old folk in America. He has a pulsing finger on the...er...a finger on the pulse of the issues of most importance to fogies.
To wit -
Have you noticed? Door-to-door salespeople are re-appearing in droves in suburban America. No longer do they tote heavy sets of encyclopedia or bulky vacuum cleaners. This new breed of walking solicitor is only equipped with an I-Pad and Day-Glo golf shirt. From neighborhood to neighborhood they caravan about, seeking unwitting targets who happen to be out in the garden or walking the dog. They sell gutters and cell phone plans and chocolate bars. Once in their clutches, there is no hope for escape.
What can be done about this abomination?
We need a "Do Not Call List" for walk-ups.
Or, we could just provide everyone with a government-issued pit bull.
Whatever...we promise to put a stop to this annoying practice as soon as we take office.
As far as we can tell, the early stages of the 2016 Presidential race have been mildly interesting, but nearly devoid of Humor.
Oh, unless you count the dripping sarcasm and schoolyard put-downs we've heard in some recent speeches and press events on the Republican side. But, as we all know, real Humor, i.e. something that is actually FUNNY, is hard to find in caustic and mean-spirited rhetoric.
And on the other side of the aisle, Clinton's insincere affability is sadly exposed in those plastic smiles and booming guffaws right out of the Tammany Hall playbook.
So, here is the Fogies' Campaign 2016 pledge to you:
We'll try to make it funny and keep it funny.
Elect a President with a real sense of Humor!
Our candidate makes a savvy personnel decision, a sure sign of good judgment and political acumen.
The Fogies' recent announcement of a presidential campaign for 2016 has met with thundering silence as constituents seek to understand why they should support a candidate who will likely be dead before his term is up...and no one with an iota of credibility is on the ticket for Vice President.
What? You say this is the same conundrum that faced McCain supporters in 2012? Well, hallelujah! At least we're doing something right!
In the months ahead, bold ideas, fresh perspectives, and exciting initiatives will be unveiled...just don't look for The Fogies dish out any of that crap.
So, stay tuned as our candidate increases his exposure and formulates a thought or two about how he can make America great again!