...and the winner is....

SoapboxSmilingWpCWhew...the Academy Awards have finally come and gone! And The Fogies have something to say about it all.

As usual, we didn't see any of the films, what with the price of movie tickets and the inherent danger of even going into a movie theater in the 21st century. We also fell asleep well before the show was over last night. But that makes no difference. Nowadays, peeps are spewing opinions about everything under the sun without having the most minimal knowledge-base about the event or issue at-hand...witness Donald Trump and all his supporters (but that's a topic for another day).

First of all, we're totally fine with all the backlash against the Academy for its persistent white-bread orientation. As Chris Rock said, what's new about that? Burn down the mission!

As for the Red Carpet fashion parade, our eyes are still hurting. Most of those clothes would end up on the Goodwill bargain rack after failing to sell at the local consignment shop. What an obscene waste of money!

Last, but not least, what about the winners? Good for them. They all showed up for their jobs and they all worked hard at their craft. They may be elitists, but they aren't lazy.


...and the winner is....

SoapboxStinksWpCAwards for this, awards for that, awards for the other thing. We are now officially suffering from Award Show (Fatigue) Syndrome - "A.S.S. Fatigue". And it comes to a head this Sunday with the Academy Awards.

Oh, sure, there are plenty of outstanding actors in the Oscar nominations queue. Like you, we'll be watching to see who wins. But let's not overlook other notable fake-ass performances that won't be recognized at this weekend's ceremony:

10. Tiger Woods: Two words - "steriods sunset". Put simply, Samson got a haircut.

9. Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, and the Ball Boy: Pretty Boys Make Graves (for their fall guys).

8. Lance Armstrong: That CAN'T be his real name.

7. Target Department Stores: Today's Special - One for the price of four! And be sure to charge it!

6. The Vatican Treasury: Hundreds of millions of Euros found "tucked away"....hmm, better launder those blousy vestments a little more often.

5. Vlad Putin: Just look in his eyes if you don't believe us.

4. Social media: Isn't more like "anti-social" media when it's used to recruit assassins, haze personal enemies, and promote the reform of Justin Bieber?

3. Justin Bieber: He is who he is, and that's not him.

2. Betty White: She can't be a day over 70!

1. Jim Cantore: We can tell fake thunder AND fake orgasms when we hear them.