Another Winter of Discontent

SoapboxStinksWpCHere we are again, in the longest month of the year...it is 59 days long and it is arbitrarily divided roughly in half by naming the 1st part "January" and the 2nd part "February". But we all know it's the same damn month.

So, what's happening?




Upper respiratory viruses.

Arctic blasts.

Award shows.

Award shows!?!

What could be worse than that!?!


...and the winner is....

SoapboxStinksWpCAwards for this, awards for that, awards for the other thing. We are now officially suffering from Award Show (Fatigue) Syndrome - "A.S.S. Fatigue". And it comes to a head this Sunday with the Academy Awards.

Oh, sure, there are plenty of outstanding actors in the Oscar nominations queue. Like you, we'll be watching to see who wins. But let's not overlook other notable fake-ass performances that won't be recognized at this weekend's ceremony:

10. Tiger Woods: Two words - "steriods sunset". Put simply, Samson got a haircut.

9. Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, and the Ball Boy: Pretty Boys Make Graves (for their fall guys).

8. Lance Armstrong: That CAN'T be his real name.

7. Target Department Stores: Today's Special - One for the price of four! And be sure to charge it!

6. The Vatican Treasury: Hundreds of millions of Euros found "tucked away"....hmm, better launder those blousy vestments a little more often.

5. Vlad Putin: Just look in his eyes if you don't believe us.

4. Social media: Isn't more like "anti-social" media when it's used to recruit assassins, haze personal enemies, and promote the reform of Justin Bieber?

3. Justin Bieber: He is who he is, and that's not him.

2. Betty White: She can't be a day over 70!

1. Jim Cantore: We can tell fake thunder AND fake orgasms when we hear them.